this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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