i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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