Will you blow on my dice?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
