What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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