There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
