he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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