that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
