okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
