buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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