I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
