New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
