i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
