Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
