i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
