You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
