No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want to make out with him forever
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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