butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
