I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
