i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
