I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
