Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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