I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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