shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
