I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
