I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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