Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
