WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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