If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
