Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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