im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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