i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She bit a glass in half.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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