I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
