One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
