i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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