I think my vagina is haunted
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
