There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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