with your own penis?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
