When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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