Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
