i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
