Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just found puke in my bra..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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