I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
