I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All the doctor said was why
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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