Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
