Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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