don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
