I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize