omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
