fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
