I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize