I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
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Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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