I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
