i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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