The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
