I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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