the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
