just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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