I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dating After Heartbreak
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!