I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
