how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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