so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
