i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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